Hey! Hey! You! You! I Don't Like Your Music!

I hate Avril Lavigne. I hate her with every fiber of my being. Every thought within the vast recesses of my mind screams for her annihilation. "Why the slight grudge?" you may ask. Why I'd like to see her battered ruthlessly with a rusty hammer and strangled with binder's twine soaked in phosphoric acid is very simple:

Number 1: She writes shitty music.

Number 2: It's catchy.

This combination is deadly. It's like mixing crazy glue with animal feces before you hurl it at someone's face. Her music gets stuck inside your skull, like an overly-friendly earwig, and bores its way deep enough into your brain to nearly drive you insane. That's probably the main reason I would find it enjoyable to force-feed her broken glass and use a monkey wrench to remove her eyes. I won't be satisfied with my life until her vocal cords are hanging from a chain around my neck, so I can wear them like a trophy. I can't tell you how irritating it is to be minding my own business, when I unexpectedly realize one of her songs is blasting inside my head for no reason at all. I'll be eating breakfast and suddenly I'm thinking: "She's like, so whatever, you could do so much bet-AAARRRRGHHH!" It catches you offguard, too...that she-wolf-demon.

But you can't blame her all that much...I mean, she is Canadian. And what have Canadians contributed to music these days? Celine Dion, Simple Plan, Paul Shaffer, and Avril "I-produce-terrible-mind-destroying-music" Lavigne. That's all I can think of, and it's not much. Nothing against Canadians. I just wish they'd stop making music. And hook me up with some maple syrup.

Wikipedia Still Hasn't Blocked Me. Score.

Wow. I haven't updated in a while. Sorry about that. It's hard when the Coast Guard keeps whining at you to stop trying to harpoon members of their crew. They're so bitchy sometimes. Anyway, here are some Wikipedia articles I've vandali...um...edited. Yeah. Edited. Here:

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